In this house we try to live with the seasons as much as we can. That is not very hard when you’re living in the forest, because the seasons are always in your face (take that literally in the fall, when you are torpedoed with round after round of acorns and chestnuts falling down. On your head). If you are living in a (very) small space, you spend more time outdoors and if you have lots of windows, even indoors tends to feel like outdoors (which is also true but much less romantic if it’s very cold). But funnily enough, winters prove to be a challenge. In summer we live outdoors, the days and evenings are long, we are chockfull of vibrant energy and ideas. With the arrival of winter, nature calls on us to let go of all that bubbly activity, and turn inward – literally as well as figuratively speaking. Aaah, winter… Christmas tree, time to bundle up, light a fire, pumpkin pie, hot cocoa… Turn in early, sleep in, slow down, take it easy, just let it mellow et cetera. And yet I notice my head is not keeping up. My entire being is screaming for pumpkin soup, Christmas carols and woolen blankets on the couch and my head keeps making plans, wanting things, urging me… And every year I wonder why I am so bloody tired in winter? Is it truly the dark days before Christmas, or am I just not cocooning enough? Rushing too much? Want too many things to happen now?
I could conclude here by saying something like ‘oh, but this year I will do things entirely differently!’. And you know, that is my intention each year anew. Sometimes I nail it, sometimes I don’t. I don’t know how this year is going to work out for me. My head is still full, I still want all kinds of stuff. Buddhists say that desire is the root of all suffering and I guess they have a point. I don’t know if I’ll ever manage to stop wanting anything, to be honest. But maybe I could be a little more selective. Or just stress out a little less. Hold me to it, ok?
Blessed Feast of Light,